Acts20.com

Church family of 30+ years has a child die in a car accident and the family wants the funeral at the churchIt is your grandchild's first birthday and a party is scheduled at the church.The food for the family (after funeral) will overlap grandchild's birthday party

Chestnut Ridge...

Consider that if it is your grandchild's FIRST birthday party, it's really about the adults in the room and not the child, since he/she is going to be too young to know what it's about or remember it.That being the case (and even if the child was ten years old), surely the importance of that matter comes down on the side of the bereaved family? Your grandchild won't remember if you don't have a party...but the bereaved family will never forget if you fail them at this horrific time (and time of year).

First, I am not a pastorTo be clear, this is a scenario that happened. I wanted to get other pastors opinion.The pastors family choose the the grandchild's birthday and moved the food to a different church. That crushed the family

Well, then, everyone, to some extent or another, has come down on the side of the bereaved family. The pastor is likely now paying for the decision he made.

Wait...I got to thinking about something....

First, I imagine every pastor or minister on this board is very clear that a funeral should have precedence over a birthday party for a baby, right? So why didn't that pastor cancel or reschedule the birthday party like all of us seem to think he should have?What we don't have is CONTEXT.If I may side with the pastor for just a moment, is it possible that this family had been members for 30+ years, but did not actually attend? Was their relationship with the church only a tenuous one, or were they regulars in good standing, etc.?Is it possible that this family had done everything in their power to wreck the pastor, his family, and/or the church? Was it a last minute thing--i.e., they were going to do it at another church, but then, last minute, decided they wanted it there, after the birthday party had been given the go-ahead?

Yes there were in good standingNo, they had done nothing against the pastor or churchThey wanted it all to be at their church.....funeral and dinner. Extended family members had at one point attended that church too

What would you do?

Sounds like a good argument for having a group of elders and not just one face that represents the church. Was the pastor responsible for the party somehow, the person organizing it? I would think the funeral would be the right choice, or at least attending part of it, and dropping by to visit relatives for part of their party. If the pastor conducted the funeral, then spent some time in the fellowship hall, left, and came back, i don't see how that would crush people.Was the pastor the only person who could lock the fellowship hall or something like that