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This is an old online CNN post on Evangelical young people not waiting until marriage to have sex.religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/09/27/why-young-christians-arent-waiting-anymore/Is it any better in the COG or other Pentecostal denominations, with the emphasis on holy living? Is it any worse than it was in Gen X? It seemed like all the gen X teens and college students were having sex when I was younger, too.I consider US culture, and it is really messed up in the area of sexuality and marriage, IMO. My wife, an Indonesia, lamented that at a mega church event for young people she visited, that based on conversations she had with the young women, it seemed like few of them would be virgins at marriage. She discipled a number of young women, and so many had had problems with fornication. It seems the young men have the same problem.My wife and I waited until marriage. Here are some of the reasons I waited.- I always wanted to live in a way that pleased the Lord. I didn't want to put myself in a situation where it would be hard to get back to living right. (Including getting an unbeliever pregnant, or something along those lines.)- A young pastor when I was about 12 preached a long, uncomfortable series on the dangers of fornication, heavy petting, homosexuality, masturbation. We were encouraged not to date a non-Christian, since we weren't supposed to marry non-Christians.- When I read the Bible, I saw the importance of two being one flesh. In the Old Testament, a man who took a woman's virginity was required to marry her. That helped me realize how serious this was. My wife is from Indonesia. It is at least the norm and the expectation for bride and groom to be virgins on their wedding day. I'm sure there are cases where this does not happen, but it certainly seems the norm. And it seems like a lot more are virgins at marriage based on conversations with people over the decade or so I spent there. Indonesia is predominantly Muslim. There are other non-Christian societies where virginity at marriage is the norm. In Indonesia, virginity is an expectation for Christians, as well. It seems like if American Christians talk about this, someone might treat the idea of young people being virgins until marriage as hopeless, and then tell a story about losing their virginity in the back seat of some model car to so and so in middle school or high school. I think part of it is the general soteriology and theology of holiness of evangelicals. Jesus taught it was better to chop of one's hand if it caused one to sin rather than to go to Hell with it. But a lot of modern Evangelicals seem to think it doesn't matter if you sin because you can just ask for forgiveness. The one time I can find where a passage in scripture warns that God will punish or get vengence on them has to do with if they commit fornication. There seems to be a lack of the fear of the Lord, in general, among Americans and also among many Evangelicals.What are some things that can be done to change the culture, first and foremost in the church? Here are some ideas:- Clear preaching and teaching on the subject designed to instill in young people a decision to abstain from fornication to please God. - Creating a culture in church in which children can learn about sex from adults (parents and church leaders) in an appropriate and mature context. (Moses read all those sex laws with the babies and small children present. We need Biblical ethics about this, not Victorian ethics.)- Return to Biblical restoration of fallen saints and church discipline. Paul said not to eat with someone called a brother who was a fornicator.- Churches and Christian parents rethinking dating culture-- rethinking sending middle schoolers to dances to slow dance, letting them 'go with' a boyfriend or girlfriend at a young age, rethinking letting a 15-year-old drive off into the dark of night with a 17-year-old in a van. - Encouraging parents to teach their children about sex.- Engouraging young people testify to being virgins prior to marriage and at their wedding, or overcoming the sin of fornication after their conversion. - Encouraging young people to state a preference for a virgin to marry. Promoting the advantages of marrying a virgin as a part of Bible teaching when tweens and teens are present. I am sure there are many other things

Well, judging from my extremely small sample size of people I know personally, I’d say it’s no different in the COG or any other Holiness Church. I know of one young lady “caught in the act” at Lee who was given the boot. I also know a former pastor who while attending Lee “somehow” managed to get his girlfriend pregnant. He was able to hide it as it happened near the end of their final year in school. Make of it what you will. Hopefully the two examples I know of are by far the exception rather than the rule “Hell will be filled with people that didn’t cuss, didn’t drink, and may even have been baptized. Why? Because none of those things makes someone a Christian.”

I have concluded that there may not be solution....

Consider if you were trying to help someone NOT eat when they were hungry. You might help them for a while. You might get their mind on other things, etc. But at some point, the appetite is going to demand food.I have come more and more to believe that sex is like that. We know that it is a natural appetite. We can preach about it, harp on it, etc., but as the statistics show, we have not been very successful in helping our children stay away from illicit sex. I think I read a statistic a few years ago that only 4% of people over 21 are virgins. The problem arises, at least in part, I think, from the fact that if we preach sex is bad, bad, bad! we can warp a person's thinking. We might cause a person to either be repulsed by something that is otherwise good...or cause them to think that it is a very dirty and filthy matter. Or, on the other hand, it can become like the forbidden fruit--and that can cause kids to go after it.But if we say, sex is wonderful, but you have to wait, well, teens aren't known for being patient, are they? So we almost DARE not act like sex is a wonderful thing, since that might send the wrong sort of encouragement to the teens. But to tell them it is bad, well, that's not much better--since we know that it is likely most churches that DO speak to teenage sexuality DO act like it something that shouldn't be talked about in polite company, or is somehow displeasing to God.And to say little or nothing...same result, I imagine.I realized at some point that if God hadn't made me unhandsome, I would almost certainly have not made it to marriage as a virgin. I had enough semi-opportunities even without being handsome. Had I pressed the matter, I likely could have wound up as one of those statistics.Consider another point.... Have you ever heard of gays saying that they prayed and prayed to get rid of their illicit feelings, but nothing changed? I know that even as a straight teenager, I likely prayed tens of thousands of prayers that God would help me not to even think about sex. Didn't work. Someone will say, Well, God knew that one day you'd be married.... But couldn't God have turned it off UNTIL I got to marriage? Why not? The truth, I think, is that no matter how much we preach against it, plenty of church kids are going to have sex. It's an appetite that will not yield for long to platitudes and the such. So what do we do? We teach them as balanced a view as we can (since one extreme or another is likely to have unintended consequences), and at the same time understand that a significant percentage is going to mess up anyway. And if they do...we simply love them and restore them, encouraging them again and again.While they may have sex before marriage anyway, I am convinced that if we love and encourage them, they almost certainly not mess up as many times as they could have. For instance, a kid that gets a great touch in a revival, may go in the strength of that blessing for a long time...time that would have otherwise been spent fornicating.

I read that 3% in the US are virgins at marriage. If I remember right, the site I read this on seemed to indicate that these tend to be religious people, not just Christian, but other minority religions too where virginity is important. Sex isn't quite the same as eating. One may crave sex, and one may crave food. If he doesn't have sex, it won't kill him. If he doesn't eat, he will die. And the desire for food and water for those who do not have it is more overwhelming. People stranded in the mountains and on boats or islands have resorted to cannibalism. It's a desire, but not us fundamental as food.Your post sounded sort of defeatist to me.

I must say, I wasn't much of a Christian in my teens anyway. But dadgummit I always dated the 'good girls'. I tried and I tried. even found some good verses from S of Solomon, scripture didn't even work. I DO NOT REMEMBER ANY teaching or sermons concerning SEX. It was just Understood that 'good' boys and girls did not 'go all the way'.As a result, I married as a virgin and married a virgin. And lemme tell you a one night honey moon before you have to go back to the base just does not get it.BUT guys, I was there.Things were much different in the earlier years. Most girls remained virgin just because 'society' at the time expected it. No girl wanted to be considered (at the time) 'damaged goods'. It was always strange to me, the guy was okay, but the girl was damaged goods!I knew MANY boys who bragged about having sex in HS but learned most were lying. Boys would have been very active 'sexually' had it not been for 'SOCIETY' at the time labeling any girl a 'bad girl' if she was loose, even if she did not become pregnant. I know for a fact that kept many girls from 'going all the way'.With society today I can understand the low number of virgins' who make it to marriage. Today it is SOCIETY that determines sexual activity, and SOCIETY seems to smile on it. There is now, Recreational Sex, sex just for fun, but still mostly for the boy. I was surprised to read RR's comment a coupel years ago that when a guy asked a girl to the prom, SEX was expected afterwards! Some facts but mostly just my [email protected]/

A married couple has the rest of their lives.

Many Evangelicals do not wait because their love for God is lacking or they never were converted to begin with

All sin works this way. But to your comment about being defeatist, I would argue that I am being a realist. When our youth's sexual statistics are no better than the world's...it's not because the church has failed to say anything. I imagine that most boys and girls understand (even if they don't obey) that sex before marriage is, at the very least, not the best thing.No, you won't die from not having sex, but the appetite is just as strong. You spoke of resorting to cannibalism. Consider that some folks have such an unrelenting sex drive that they wind up sleeping with people that utterly appall them in the light of morning. No, you won't die...but the sex drive feels as much a must as these other things, I imagine. If you are dying of thirst, then, yes, water is more important than sex. But when you have plenty to eat/drink, then this other appetite now comes to the forefront.Consider that churches would almost have to doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING regarding teenage sex to get the sort of terrible statistics we are hearing about Christian youth. Do you believe that the church is doing absolutely nothing? I don't. I just think that sex is a powerful force that, despite sermons and teaching, leads our youth astray at about the same rate as the world's youth.Of course, the greater permissiveness and sex-centric thinking of our society doesn't help. But consider that King David, with numerous wives and concubines...still had to have another man's wife. Amnon had to have Tamar.

[quote=Resident Skeptic]Many Evangelicals do not wait because their love for God is lacking or they never were converted to begin with.[/quote]Great point RS. I am convinced that telling people to wait beofre sex and showing them what the Bible says will never be effective without showing people how to have the power to wait. Unfortunately, the sinners prayer without repentance ticket to heaven salvation offering without teaching on coming out of the world will not produce sexually pure people.I was 25 and single when I accepted Christ. The fact that I made a lot of money in the secular realm added o sexual temptations. ONE THING I learned in 16 years as a single man who often traveled for business was that it took a 100% serious commitment o prayer, the Word and guarding my eyes. I did not have a television because the shows in the 80s-90s were too tempting to me (compare that to the present temptations). My only hope was an hour or 2 of prayer and the Word every morning, church Sunday morning, night, Wednesday night, prayer meetings and anything other time I could be around Christian people.I remember hesitating when my mentor told me I neede to go to a Saturday night Bible study with him and his wife. He told me, what are you as a young single man going to do on s Saturday night other than get into sin I agreed and went with the Christians.